I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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