i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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