by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
