oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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