who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
