how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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