Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
