I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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