we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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