I'm pants shitting drunk right now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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