I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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