Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
