i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
