The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
