I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
