In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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