i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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