it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
