I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
