break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
