Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
