Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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