there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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