found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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