The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
