Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
