Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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