im drinking this country out of the recession.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I enjoy the company of your penis
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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