I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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