do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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