sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
