WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
