That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
