May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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