it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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