There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
