I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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