the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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