I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
