she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
