If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
