I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
