Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
