wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
