Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
