Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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