The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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