yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
