Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
