Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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