My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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