I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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