I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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