everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
