shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
