His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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