do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
