ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
