There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
