Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
