I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
