The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
