no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
